Another way of describing what happens to children is that they're going along completely involved in their experience of the moment, with no illusion of being separate from anything, when somebody yells at them that they've done something wrong. They are jolted out of their natural ease and confidence, and plunged into the awful energy of an adult's anger and fear. Suddenly they're being told that they've done something wrong; they're yanked away from their own experience into a nightmare of confusion. The underlying message is that paying attention to ourselves, to our own world of experience, is wrong, and that to be safe, we must turn our attention to others.
This happens again and again, until we have our own repertoire of voices cautioning us and warning us and threatening us, reinforcing the idea that we cannot be trused with ourselves. "You should have known better!", "What's the matter with you?" "Can't you do anything right?" "What were you thinking?" "This is too hard for you.".. and now we replay those messages to ourselves internally, incessantly undermining our own adequacy.
What we need to transition from the innocent mind and heart of the child to an adult who can function well in the world is someone who knows the ropes, who can tell us how things work, who can guide us lovingly from not knowing through becoming capable and confident with whatever arises. For MOST of us - that is what was missing in our lives...
(This is an excerpt taken from the book: The Fear Book, by Cheri Huber. She has a great line of easy-reads at about $10.00 to $12.00!) This is my most favorite of all of her books!
I do not get paid by endorsing any person or book!
